I spend way too much money thinking I can eat more food than I can honestly consume

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urbancatfitters:

if u dont know how to respond to something just say “how dare you”

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undisclosing:

when i was 3 i insisted on having this picture taken
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  1. waitress: i'm sorry we're all out of mozzarella sticks
  2. waitress: sir please stop cyring
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apiologies:

me like ‘haha yeah i can DEFINITELY write a five page paper in two hours!! time is a construct, deadlines have no meaning and also i’m dead inside’

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“I am so sorry to all the people I hurt while I was hurting.”
— (via horticulteur)
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remember to drink lots of water, because your insides are a swampy bog and a water shortage would affect the local frog population
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i can’t believe that tomorrow is the 1st of halloween
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